Anger management for Recruiters

Copyright (c) 2009 Camilla Patten

Short of breaking into song singing 'I feel pretty...oh so pretty' or alternatively massaging your earlobes while repeating the mantra 'goose fra gua', anger is something we all need to know how to handle and direct appropriately in the workplace.

Aggression and furious anger displayed in the workplace is unprofessional, deconstructive and leaves others sharing the environment feeling uncomfortable and ill at ease. It is vital that we all pull a lesson out of the anger management handbook and find ways on how to manage and control hostile outbursts at work so as to not make working conditions unpleasant and unwelcoming for those around us.

There are two polar ideas referring to anger and its existence in the workplace both of which are valid but not necessarily right. Pacifists argue that anger is negative, completely deconstructive and counterproductive to creating a healthy working environment conducive for employees to tap into their highest level of output. The other school of thought supports the notion that the expression of anger is a release of energy that unless expressed, cannot be yielded to produce forward motion.

In truth, anger and the infuriation that you feel when things don't work out the way you had anticipated them to, is not necessarily where the problem lies with anger management. The problem with managing anger in the workplace is learning how to express this without squashing company moral and frightening off those around you. How we choose to express the anger that we feel when faced with a situation at work determines the overall outcome of such events. Anger in the workplace becomes a problem when emotions are heightened beyond the point of rational control and constructive direction. Negative anger comes in the form of furious confrontation or passive aggression, both of which are paralysing to forward motion.

The biggest challenge faced when managing fury in the workplace, is keeping a level head about you and directing your anger in a positive direction. As with physics, a negative attracts a positive and thus out of any negative situation, so a positive outcome may be achieved depending on how well we utilise the passion that anger stirs in us.

Here are some tips to practice when directing your anger, managing it and ensuring the best possible outcome is achieved in the most positive of ways.

Anger management Tip One: Define the Trigger

Understanding what it is that has in fact made you as furious as you are, is the first step that needs to be followed when trying to get a handle on your temper. Define the 'what, when, who, how and why' of the situation and get a clear picture of what has upset you so. In doing so you will be less likely to add more emotion to the expression of your anger and defuse the situation based on its face value and not from an emotionally sensitive standpoint.

Anger Management Tip Two: What Level of Control do you have Over the Situation?

Understand how much control you have over the situation. Whatever has made you angry at work is it worth the feisty energy or was the outcome unavoidable from the offset. Often when adverse events occur they come about as a result of external factors that are beyond our control. While still aggravating and disappointing, by getting angry at outcomes that could not be avoided is a waste of such 'angry energy'. By assessing the level of control over the situation and accepting that certain things are out of your control is a solid way of remaining calm and avoiding unnecessary outbursts of anger.

Anger Management Tip Three: Don't be Stubborn to Possible Resolution

Often when situations are emotionally charged, the first thing to fly out the window is sensibility and reason. The more we cut off our noses, to spite our faces, the more frustrated we become and the more workplace anger is heightened. Be rational about the situation that has given rise to your anger and look for potential solutions that could solve the problem before allowing your anger to get the better of you. When alternative solutions to a negative situation are present, diverting your anger to these as opposed to getting angry for the sake of getting angry will defuse the emotion and move the situation forward in a productive manner.

Anger Management Tip Four: Listen to your Heart

Pay attention to your heart rate and try to keep calm by controlling your breathing. While this may sound like a cop-out, it is a medical fact that through your breath you can control your heart rate and anxiety levels. Try to maintain a controlled intake and out-flow of oxygen and in doing so your heart rate will remain stable along with oxygen levels in your brain and throughout your body, as a result you will feel more under control and less likely to become more aggravated.

Anger Management Tip Five: Practice the 3 P's; Professionalism, Patience and Positivity

There is nothing professional about having a habit of flying off the handle in a fit of anger when things don't go your way in the office. Try to govern your actions with a high level of professionalism and positivity. The more impatient you become the more your anger will grow, the faster your positivity will fail, and professionalism will decrease. Try to tap into the three p's and practice each of these when faced with an infuriating scenario. The higher level of positivity, patience and professionalism you can display the calmer you will remain along with those around you.

Anger is a perfectly natural response to certain stimuli we are faced with on a day to day basis. When anger is correctly channelled, expressed productively and controlled during heated situations, it in fact serves as a motivating force in finding solutions to adverse events requiring our immediate attention with efficiency and forward motion.

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Anger Supervision

Anger is an emotion experienced by kids and adults alike. When something or someone interferes with an individual in a negative manner, it can cause them to become angry. Anger is a normal response to such a situation. However anger can be classed as a mild or intense irritation. Depending on the individual, the circumstance and their emotions, anger may cause a person to become enraged or even furious. People who become angry behave in different ways. Some lash out or become extremely defensive. Other people tend to keep their anger to themselves, bottling up their negative emotions and hurt. While some people become reckless and even abusive. Anger can be a terribly harmful emotion if it isn't controlled.

Controlling anger is considered anger supervision. The first step to controlling anger issues it to admit there is a problem. Some people have major anger issues but cannot see it. Naturally something happens to set a person off making them angry. Individuals, who have trouble admitting to their anger and accepting responsibility for their actions, often play the blame game. They have difficulty seeing the situation as being their fault. There's always something or someone to blame. Their fits of anger are always blamed on something else. These people could really use a few lessons in anger supervision. However they need to accept their actions and reactions for what they are, anger.

Many people who have anger issues find it demeaning when anger supervision is suggested. Unable to accept their problem prevents them from seeking the help they require. If a person continues down a path where they are constantly angry and acting out, it will eventually cause major problems. Without anger supervision this individual will likely experience loss, loss of their family, loss of their job and loss of their own identity.

It is essential to convince the person with anger problems, anger supervision is not meant to be a punishment but rather to help them have a better quality of life. Anger supervision is designed to help the individual work out their problems, help them figure out why they become so angry. It also teaches the person not to be enslaved by their emotions, their anger. Anger supervision is meant to teach the person techniques which prevent them from getting angry as often or for very long.

There are all sorts of anger supervision strategies. There are programs created specifically to help those with anger issues. These programs are broken down to address different people, kids, teens, adults, couples and families. These anger supervision programs are in place to teach or help people to work on their anger. Teaching people strategies for working out their problems and controlling their anger are important in anger supervision.

Anger may be a healthy, normal emotion but when the anger takes over an individual's life making them destructive and violent, it's a big problem. Not only does the anger destroy the individual but it also impacts everyone and everything around them. Anger supervision could change this individual and ensure a healthy, normal life.

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Get Anger Under Control

One of the biggest marriage problems most relationships face is not being able to control our anger. During the first year of our marriage, I had a very big problem with controlling my anger. Now, for the glory of God, I can honestly say that I have my anger under control, it is no longer a problem in our marriage. I still get angry, but it's not an explosive anger that hurts my wife or the people around me. This is how I changed, hopefully this will help you and your relationship out.

First of all, what is anger. Anger is a natural emotion given to us by God. We must understand that there is nothing wrong with getting angry, what's important is that you don't let your anger control you in such a way that you end up hurting someone physically or emotionally.The Bible says two things about anger, first it says, "Be slow to get angry". It doesn't say, never get angry. Second it says, "When angry, do not sin". Again, it doesn't say never get angry, but you must watch that your anger doesn't lead you to sin or hurt someone.Anger was meant to help us deal with and stop the evil in the world. But instead people use it to commit evils in the world.

For example, you're walking down the street and you see a man beating a baby merciless. What will you feel. Will you think, ohhhh pure baby. No you wouldn't, if you're a normal human being, you will feel anger, and hopefully that anger will lead you to help that baby. Another example, you see your child doing something bad. I mean really bad. Would you think, I shouldn't get angry, I shouldn't get angry. Or would you do what any good parent would do and discipline your child. By discipline, I don't mean beat him senseless. What I mean is, you should punish him in a way that he will know that what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't do it again. This is love, letting your child do whatever he wants, it's not love. So the anger of a parent to discipline her child, is not sin. It's anger with love, used to correct and guide in order to raise a good human being. This is good anger.

Jesus shows us an example of this anger when He went into the temple and saw all the merchants using it as a market. This was the temple of God, they were suppose to be praying to God, seeking God and helping lead others to God. Instead they were using it as a den of thieves, meaning that even there business was not done in a honest way. When Jesus, saw them doing this in the temple, He didn't say, I shouldn't get angry, but instead He did get angry and corrected their actions. Jesus did not sin, the people he corrected were the sinners. This is the true purpose of anger, to correct an evil being done. Whenever you see something bad being done, you feel anger. The problem is that we use our anger in the wrong way. We use it to scare and control people. We think that if we keep them afraid of us, they will respect us and not harm us. We want people to think the way we think, if they don't we think by screaming at them we will put them in their place.

We use it when we think people are taking advantage of us, so we think, if I don't get angry, if I don't scream or yell, I won't be heard. We think if I don't scream, this person will think I'm a wimp. So we have to learn to use our anger in the right way. The steps that I took to control my anger were:

Forgive - by this I mean forgive everyone and everything. I forgave everyone in my life and I still forgive on a continuous basis. It doesn't matter what it is, I forgive. If someone at work, gave me an evil look, I forgive them. If someone didn't greet me today, I forgive them. If someone said something against me, I forgive them. What's the big deal. When I forgive, I'm at peace. If they have something against me, that's for them to deal with.I also forgave everyone in my past starting with my parents. Even if they didn't do anything wrong to you, forgive them for not being perfect. I forgave all my past girlfriends, some of them hurt me in the past, so I often took my anger out on my wife as if she was just like all of them. Which is not true. Forgiving them, helped me see that not all woman are the same.

Pray - meditate on God's Word. The Bible says, let no corrupt word come out of your mouth but that which is necessary to lift up and edify. Meditate on that, use your words to edify and encourage, not to belittle and destroy. It also says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. Think about it, you get angry, you scream, the other person gets angry and screams back, so you feel you have to be stronger by screaming louder, using harsher words or even worse using physical violence. But in the end nothing was gained and you feel terrible.Pray - it not only helps get in touch with God, but it also brings inner peace.

When you feel your anger triggered, leave and separate yourself from the person who you feel is triggering your anger. Take a long shower, if your at home. Go to a different room and take a breather. Even better would be to go for a long walk or a jog.

When you feel calmed, learn to express yourself. Remember, it is also not healthy to hold in your anger. This is one of the things that cause people to explode. They think I won't get angry, I'll hold it in, but then one day, boom! It all comes out in an explosive way. Holding it in, is not the solution. Express your emotions, but when you're calm. You can always use the expressions, "I felt anger, when you did this." or "When this happened I felt anger." Hopefully, this will make the other person not feel attacked, and lash out at you, which in return, will make you angry, and the cycle continues. Break the cycle, by expressing yourself when you feel calm.

Don't take yourself to seriously, and don't take situations too seriously. Think of a child, he wants a piece of candy, but you don't want to give it to him. So he goes crazy and throws a tantrum, all over an insignificant piece of candy. To you the piece of candy is insignificant, you know that he will not die if he doesn't get it, but to him, it's a very important matter to get what he wants, when he wants it. Sometimes are situations are the same, to us it's the biggest deal in the world. But trust me, even if you don't get your way, life will go on. Just make sure that what you do, doesn't cause life to go on in a bad way.In the Bible, God gave Solomon wisdom, and with this wisdom he wrote the book Ecclesiastes. He had everything in the world you could possible ask for, women, wealth, property, power, he had it all. But in his last days, he writes this book and says, all is worthless. At the end the only thing that matters is to fear God and obey his commandments, because he will judge you for all the things that you do whether good or bad. Don't take yourself too seriously, if you don't get your way, what's the big deal. You'll survive and life goes on. Seek peace and follow it.

These are some of things that have helped me control my anger. I'm at peace, my wife is at peace and everyone around me feels at peace. May you also find peace and learn to control your anger. Wish you the best.

Wishing Your Marriage the Best.

http://advice4marriedcouples.com

http://advice4marriedcouples.com

Advice for married couples to help couples achieve a happy and successful relationship.

Emmanuel Roman is one of the writers for advice4marriedcouples.com. He and his wife can honestly say that they are living a happy marriage with a sincere love for each other. But this did not come easy, they had a lot of problems in the beginning of their marriage mostly caused by Emmanuel's jealousy and his explosive anger. After his wife asked for a separation, Emmanuel, with God's help and the help of other counselors managed to put his life in order and fix his relationship. He wants to use his experience and knowledge to help other struggling couples also achieve happiness in their marriage.

Martial Arts Can Help with Anger Management Issues

Training Videos - Martial Arts

Martial Arts can help develop anger management skills that are extremely important to the happiness and success of children and teenagers.

Here are some ideas and a glimpse into how the process works. Hopefully, this information will help you whether you use a Martial Arts School or not to help with your child's anger management issues.

Helping Young Children Deal with Anger

Children's anger presents challenges to teachers committed to constructive, ethical, and effective child guidance. This Digest explores what we know about the components of children's anger, factors contributing to understanding and managing anger, and the ways teachers can guide children's expressions of anger.

Three Components of Anger

Anger is believed to have three components (Lewis & Michalson, 1983):

1. The Emotional State of Anger.

The first component is the emotion itself, defined as an affective or arousal state, or a feeling experienced when a goal is blocked or needs are frustrated. Fabes and Eisenberg (1992) describe several types of stress-producing anger provocations that young children face daily in classroom interactions:

* Conflict over possessions, which involves someone taking children's property or invading their space.
* Physical assault, which involves one child doing something to another child, such as pushing or hitting.
* Verbal conflict, for example, a tease or a taunt.
* Rejection, which involves a child being ignored or not allowed to play with peers.
* Issues of compliance, which often involve asking or insisting that children do something that they do not want to do-for instance, wash their hands.

2. Expression of Anger.

The second component of anger is its expression. Some children vent or express anger through facial expressions, crying, sulking, or talking, but do little to try to solve a problem or confront the provocateur. Others actively resist by physically or verbally defending their positions, self-esteem, or possessions in non aggressive ways. Still other children express anger with aggressive revenge by physically or verbally retaliating against the provocateur. Some children express dislike by telling the offender that he or she cannot play or is not liked. Other children express anger through avoidance or attempts to escape from or evade the provocateur. Yet other children use adult seeking, looking for comfort or solutions from a teacher, or telling the teacher about an incident.

Teachers can use child guidance strategies to help children express angry feelings in socially constructive ways. Children develop ideas about how to express emotions (Michalson & Lewis, 1985; Russel, 1989) primarily through social interaction in their families and later by watching television or movies, playing video games, and reading books (Honig & Wittmer, 1992). Some children have learned a negative, aggressive approach to expressing anger (Cummings, 1987; Hennessy et al., 1994) and, when confronted with everyday anger conflicts, resort to using aggression in the classroom (Huesmann, 1988). A major challenge for early childhood teachers is to encourage children to acknowledge angry feelings and to help them learn to express anger in positive and effective ways.

3. An Understanding of Anger.

The third component of the anger experience is understanding-interpreting and evaluating-the emotion. Because the ability to regulate the expression of anger is linked to an understanding of the emotion (Zeman & Shipman, 1996), and because children's ability to reflect on their anger is somewhat limited, children need guidance from teachers and parents in understanding and managing their feelings of anger.

Understanding and Managing Anger
The development of basic cognitive processes undergirds children's gradual development of the understanding of anger (Lewis & Saarni, 1985).

Memory.

Memory improves substantially during early childhood (Perlmutter, 1986), enabling young children to better remember aspects of anger-arousing interactions. Children who have developed unhelpful ideas of how to express anger (Miller & Sperry, 1987) may retrieve the early unhelpful strategy even after teachers help them gain a more helpful perspective. This finding implies that teachers may have to remind some children, sometimes more than once or twice, about the less aggressive ways of expressing anger.

Language.

Talking about emotions helps young children understand their feelings (Brown & Dunn, 1996). The understanding of emotion in preschool children is predicted by overall language ability (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Teachers can expect individual differences in the ability to identify and label angry feelings because children's families model a variety of approaches in talking about emotions.

Self-Referential and Self-Regulatory Behaviors.

Self-referential behaviors include viewing the self as separate from others and as an active, independent, causal agent. Self-regulation refers to controlling impulses, tolerating frustration, and postponing immediate gratification. Initial self-regulation in young children provides a base for early childhood teachers who can develop strategies to nurture children's emerging ability to regulate the expression of anger.

Guiding Children's Expressions of Anger

Teachers can help children deal with anger by guiding their understanding and management of this emotion. The practices described here can help children understand and manage angry feelings in a direct and non aggressive way.

Create a Safe Emotional Climate.

A healthy early childhood setting permits children to acknowledge all feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, and does not shame anger. Healthy classroom systems have clear, firm, and flexible boundaries.

Model Responsible Anger Management.

Children have an impaired ability to understand emotion when adults show a lot of anger (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994). Adults who are most effective in helping children manage anger model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and non aggressive ways.

Help Children Develop Self-Regulatory Skills.

Teachers of infants and toddlers do a lot of self-regulation "work," realizing that the children in their care have a very limited ability to regulate their own emotions. As children get older, adults can gradually transfer control of the self to children, so that they can develop self-regulatory skills.

Encourage Children to Label Feelings of Anger.

Teachers and parents can help young children produce a label for their anger by teaching them that they are having a feeling and that they can use a word to describe their angry feeling. A permanent record (a book or chart) can be made of lists of labels for anger (e.g., mad, irritated, annoyed), and the class can refer to it when discussing angry feelings.

Encourage Children to Talk About Anger-Arousing Interactions.

Preschool children better understand anger and other emotions when adults explain emotions (Denham, Zoller, &Couchoud, 1994). When children are embroiled in an anger-arousing interaction, teachers can help by listening without judging,evaluating, or ordering them to feel differently.

Use Books and Stories about Anger to Help Children Understand and Manage Anger.

Well-presented stories about anger and other emotions validate children's feelings and give information about anger (Jalongo, 1986; Marion, 1995). It is important to preview all books about anger because some stories teach irresponsible anger management.

Communicate with Parents.

Some of the same strategies employed to talk with parents about other areas of the curriculum can be used to enlist their assistance in helping children learn to express emotions. For example, articles about learning to use words to label anger can be included in a newsletter to parents.

Children guided toward responsible anger management are more likely to understand and manage angry feelings directly and non aggressively and to avoid the stress often accompanying poor anger management (Eisenberg et al., 1991). Teachers can take some of the bumps out of understanding and managing anger by adopting positive guidance strategies.

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The Evil Realm of an Angry Mind

We all have rules we must follow in life. If we are not following those rules then consequences result. We are taught as children to not steal, lie, cheat, or hurt another person, yet some of us believe the rules are only set for certain individuals. At one time in our life we may had taking another direction, or else our emotions are the source that we use often to control our lives. Some of us even hurt others, including intimidating, humiliating, or assaulting the person physically believing we have the right to do so. When we hurt others, it satisfies our covetous side and the person often disregards the person harmed. The type of person described will offer charm others leading them to believe that they are a role model in society. Yet, the anger burning within the person will lead him or her to crimes, including robbery, theft, burglary, assaults, and so on. This type of angry person will harm others and never believe that consequences should be issued to him or her. For example, they may steal something from another person and reason that the person did not deserve it, while the perpetrator did. The person may batter his or her spouse and blame it on the victim, rather than taking responsibility for his or her action and behaviors. The anger then is a root of hatred of people rather than a hatred of what people do. This type will often become aggressive whether there is cause or not. Most times the person will act on his or her impulses, which includes risky behaviors. The person will often neglect responsibility and will assault, humiliate, intimidate, and control others around them. Now the anger is different in this case, since a personality disorders is obvious. There are many techniques available to help those with anger problems, but this type often refuses help and when help is available will often use it to their advantage. Most times these types will meet the criminal justice system, by paying fines, spending time in jail, and so on. This often continues throughout the person’s life, since no help has been proven workable for the personality types. Therefore, we are dealing with anger that is buried deeper than any technique can handle. A walk around the block, a ride on a bicycle, writing, dance, art, or none of the prescribed techniques or going to master the anger in the realm of these angry minds. The only possible solution is waiting until this type kills or commits a felony that will get them life in prison. Once in prison they will function best, since more control is on them. Until scientist come up with a technique that involves controlling and the law permits this, then these angry minds will exist and harm others repeatedly. The angry minds will enjoy harming others, including animals. They have no sympathy or regard for anyone, including a newborn child. They often enjoy dominating everyone around them, and will promise to change their behaviors obsessive when someone starts to care. This is a trap! If a person is telling you this, he or she is lowing you into a web of the mind of anger that will burn out of control until someone controls the mind permanently. The personality type will often avoid working, but when they do land a job, they often search for careers that put them in total control. Since prejudice plays a role in their lives, they often belittle the different gender, or race. Everyone is responsible for his or her behavior and actions, and they are excused from all behaviors including sexual, rape, murder, theft and so forth. We all can find an answer for controlling our emotions and anger; but in this case, no one has a known answer to date. Some examples of angry minds can be seen in the case studies of Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper, John Wayne Gacy, Henry Howard and other named Serial Killers. If you walk in the realm of an angry mind, walk with extreme caution. In conclusion, anger management is no master to the angry minds. 

 

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